Q&A: Diya Dabash on Empowering Queer Communities Online
Multi-talented Diya Dabash uses her platform to show LGBTQIA+ people of color and queer Muslims that they are not alone.
(Courtesy of Diya Dabash)
Diya Dabash (she/they) is a Palestinian Indian social media influencer, musician and model based in Canada. Diya is multi-talented — she uses music, writing, art and her social media platform to advocate for marginalized groups and build community. They are open and real about their own journey, showing LGBTQIA+ people of color and queer Muslims that they are not alone. The space influencers like Diya Dabash curate can be refuges for young queer folk of color. In partnership with Hopelab, YR Media’s Isha Smith (they/them) interviewed Diya about the parasocial relationships that build queer communities online.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
YR Media: What is a title that you would use for yourself?
Diya Dabash: I would say I’m a content creator, mostly. It kind of varies — with the names depending on which job that I’m doing. So sometimes I’ll say I’m a model, sometimes I’ll say I’m an artist, sometimes I’ll say I’m a content creator, influencer. It just really varies.
YR: How did you start becoming a content creator, and what influences how you create your content?
Diya Dabash: Do you want like a short condensed version or do you want like a lay it on the table, all very real?
YR: I feel like lay it on the table.
Diya Dabash: Okay, okay. So how do I explain this? I grew up in a very conservative part of Canada. And where I live if you are within a religious group, it’s very tightly together, as conservative places are. My dad was a very prominent religious figure in the community. And I was just taught that being queer equals bad.
I never really associated with people who weren’t Muslim or people of different beliefs. We were very strict on that. It was kind of like a clique. But once I started exposing myself to people of all races and all sexual orientations and all of this, just diversity. I met my ex-girlfriend actually. She identified as someone who was queer and grew up Muslim. And I was like… You can do that? Wait a second, you can do that?
I came out when I was maybe 18 years old. But I would say when I came out like officially on social media, not creating content — and this is right before COVID — I lost a lot of friends. My dad also ended up kicking me out because I didn’t want to wear the headscarf anymore. And all of my other siblings took it off and he just was like, “I don’t care. It’s not anything to do with God. It’s about my reputation.”
I was a hurt 18 year old who wanted to feel validated. So I got bored during lockdown, as we all did. And I took to social media to announce that I was queer and I was Muslim, and there was nothing wrong with that. I didn’t realize just how important representation was for people like me until I actually started doing it. So once I started doing it, I mean, I can’t stop. I’m going to try and normalize it and help as many people as I possibly can.
YR: Yeah. Having that representation, people that look like you and people that are like you, is so important for people of color and queer kids. So what challenges do you face in aiming to create content that represents people of color and LGBTQIA+ communities?
Diya Dabash: I feel as though intersectionality plays a large part of it. Either I’ll get the age-old, “You can’t be Muslim, you can’t be religious and believe in God if you’re gay.” And I get it from not only religious people who want to gatekeep religion. I get it from other queer people as well who are either driven away by religion, who grew to hate religion — or they’re just like brainwashed into hating religion. So I get it from both sides and I face a lot of backlash from both sides, albeit the religious communities have more power than the queer communities do.
I’m in a privileged spot where I can speak freely and I get comments from both sides. So it also comes with me being Arab and Indian. Whenever someone sees me and they’re like, “You’re Muslim, but you’re Indian…Aren’t you Hindu? You have a Hindu name.”And I’m like, dude. And then Arabs will be in my comment section being racist, like, of course you’re queer, you’re Indian. Because they have this superiority complex. So I would say a lot of people don’t take me seriously. That’s a challenge that I face.
And when people do take me seriously, they think that I’m some sort of like FBI-planted government thing to ruin their religion or make their ethnicity look bad. I’m like, dude, I’m just a girl. just here like making content for those who really need it. And again, like I do have a voice and I’m privileged enough to use it. So why don’t I?
YR: In contrast to that, what do you feel you do to mitigate that and build supportive community?
Diya Dabash: I feel like I’m a troll. In the sense that I use a lot of humor in my content creation to try and, I guess, lighten the mood. Try and reach as many people as possible, try to be a little relatable. I make so many people mad just by existing. And I feel like people think that I’m trying to always pull a victim card when I simply speak about it.
I want to harbor a safe space in my comment sections; I want to show other people who are potentially reading these hurtful comments that it’s not that deep. It really isn’t that deep. So I kind of make light. I laugh at it and I let religious homophobes know; I let racist people know; I let Zionists know. If you are going to say something ridiculous, I’m gonna use you for content. I’m gonna get some money out of it. And I think that kind of shuts them up, and it’s like a big win on my end, you know?
YR: So, Hopelab’s research found that relationships with people online often serve as a refuge for LGBTQIA+ plus youth. Do you see this in your interactions online?
Diya Dabash: Absolutely, and a part of me growing up as someone who was severely closeted, I think like everyone around me kind of saw the signs, but I didn’t. But to kind of cope with that, I would look up to other queer creators and be in their communities as a safe space. I’m glad that I’m able to do that for other people. It makes me quite happy that people do think of me as a friend. Or they message me and say, “I have a problem, can you give me some advice?” I’m really here to try and help as many people as I can.
The only downside is that it does create some sort of like parasocial relationship between us. So a lot of people will cross boundaries or they’ll, you know, somehow get my number. I just feel as though a lot of people think that they know me and they put so much faith in me that it kind of makes me feel a little pressured to be a certain way.
YR: Speaking of parasocial relationships, that term can be somewhat controversial. Some people think of them as just being unhealthy obsessions, but these connections can also be really beneficial in the lives of queer youth.
Can you speak from experience on what sort of relationships you have with other folk online? And do you see positives in those relationships in your life?
Diya Dabash: I mean I still do it, I’m guilty of it. I’m not like a big celebrity or content creator — not yet at least. I’m joking. But I’ll see a bigger queer creator or a smaller one, and there’s just a sense of relief when I see them. I feel like I relate to them a lot more than I relate to anyone else on the internet. And I believe that’s how people see me. Looking up to like other queer creators made me feel less alienated. It made me feel more safe. It made me feel like I’m not alone.
YR: What role do you think that smaller scale content creators like yourself play versus like celebrities in these types of relationships?
Diya Dabash: I feel as though because I am smaller, a lot of people feel like there’s more relatability. Whereas if I was a lot bigger then I feel like that gap gets further. So it’s like, maybe she won’t notice me because now she has like a million followers instead of just 100k or like 20k, you know what I mean?
I get a lot of people in my comment section or in my DMs asking me for advice on their specific situations, which I do my best to respond to. And I don’t think I would be able to do that if I was a lot bigger. I know a lot of fellow content creators that don’t have a dedicated following, regardless of how many followers they have.
Like yeah, they’ll go viral for being pretty or posting a thirst trap or saying something kind of controversial or relatable, but people don’t really stick around. They don’t comment on every reel; they don’t help with engagement. Not only do I feel as though my content is getting boosted all the time, these guys are really sticking with me. It makes me feel like I matter. Maybe it is a parasocial relationship on my end too.
YR: What have you gained through your content creation?
Diya Dabash: I feel like I gained some sort of validation. Because when I first came here, screaming to the world that I exist and there’s nothing wrong with it, and then I had other people let me know they are exactly like me, I felt as though a burden was lifted off my back. And my own religious trauma was lifted off my back. And now I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong either.
So honestly, like creating content has really helped me hopefully as much as I’m helping other people. And it’s quite nice because a lot of the people I was you know fans of back in the day, I’m like mutuals with, and some I’m even friends with. And it’s just giving me the opportunity to make connections that I don’t think I would have ever have made if I wasn’t in this field of work.
YR: Could you tell me a little bit about the creative projects that you’ve been working on or want to work on?
Diya Dabash: Oh my god, of course. When I was younger, I was super into Dodie. I was so into the British YouTuber, arts, music — that community. And it always seemed like an unachievable dream because being Muslim, or at least in my Muslim household, I wasn’t allowed to play instruments. And at some points, I wasn’t even allowed to listen to music. So it just seemed like an unrealistic dream.
But now that I can actually sit down and focus on projects, I have released some music kind of outlining my feelings and my experiences with religion and being queer. I’m so grateful that I can make that and potentially share it with the world. And then I’m also working on a book that is very much like a coming-of-age sci-fi dystopia.
Now I’m modeling, which I never thought I’d be able to do without everyone on TikTok making me as big as I am. I would have never gotten signed. I’ve met a producer that I’m making music with that I would have never known if I wasn’t friends with the people that I’m friends with. And like I got my first book done, and I’m trying to get it released and published. I’m just so grateful.
Isha Smith (they/them) is a student writer and photographer currently based in upstate NY.
Edited by shaylyn martos