Where do I even begin with this…
Honestly, at this time in my life, I don’t know how to talk about mental wellness without slamming my hand on my hot hair curler or screaming curse words at the top of my lungs. But, I guess it's a good perspective — having someone at a low point talk about how they keep it together rather than them saying stuff like, “Just stay positive,” or “Be happy!” I am not the type of woman who will wake up at 6 a.m. sharp every day and listen to Katy Perry’s “Roar” in order to girl boss the day away.
No, my self-care is talking to the loved ones in my life in order to see how they are doing. Sometimes, we don’t even talk on the phone, we just stay in each other's presence and it feels so calming to me. I heard that it is called “parallel play” — being alone together.
But then there are other activities you wouldn’t think are self-care, but secretly they are. For example, I have recently gotten the motivation to begin to continue to clean out my room. This has started to give me not only more confidence in myself and then I realized how hard of a worker I am. While I am becoming optimistic and hopeful, the thoughts about job security started. I wanted to plan.
But…if I can be candid with you all, the job hunt experience has not been kind to me. Currently, fishing for positions using Indeed, ZipRecruiter and other job aggregator websites feels more demeaning and depressing than having to be the host of the Oscars. And then my mood changes. I want to work, but I feel the 40-hour workweek should be abolished so we don’t return home like zombies. Then other thoughts pop into my head. I haven’t even gotten to the micromanagement that sometimes comes with working, the microaggressions from management and colleagues and the backtalk that happens — all making moves on my sanity.
Overall, I want people to know that even through my venting, it does and will get better. Life has its ups and downs and even though I feel in a down period, there will be an incline and hope in the face of the future.
This story was produced by YR Media and is part of a collaborative project “You’re Not Alone” that includes content from young journalists from Boyle Heights Beat, Coachella Unincorporated, The kNOw, Richmond Pulse, Voices of Monterey Bay, We’Ced and YR Media.