Listen up Parents! Understanding Feelings is Key to Helping Teens Grow Up
Parents who solely focus on fixing behavior may leave their teenager feeling misunderstood.
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Teaching teenagers how to understand their feelings is "key" to helping them mature into resilient and independent adults, according to a leading psychologist.
New research suggests that rather than focusing on stamping out difficult behaviors, parents should teach teenagers to manage their feelings and relationships in safe ways.
Dr. Sheila Redfern, a London-based consultant clinical child and adolescent psychologist, says that although parenting teenagers is uniquely challenging, with concerns about social media use, self-harm, risk-taking and other difficult behavior, this stage can be full of enjoyment and connection.
In her book "How Do You Hug a Cactus? Reflective Parenting with Teenagers in Mind", she advocates for reflective parenting – which involves trying to understand what goes on in the teenage brain – as essential for building resilience and security in young people.
Reflective parenting allows parents to support teenagers in coming up with their own ideas about how they are going to meet challenges when these arise.
Dr. Redfern said: “Understanding the neuroscience of the changing teenage brain can really help parents to empathize and connect with their teenage children.
“The focus in reflective parenting is on keeping a connection with your teenager and helping them to manage, sometimes overwhelming and unwanted, feelings.
"This is one of the most important skills for life you can teach your teenager.
“By drawing out from your teenager how they are planning to solve difficulties, without pointing out flaws but simply offering another perspective of any potential downsides, you will learn how to mentalize yourself and your teenager in a way that helps them to thrive, gain independence and develop skills for life while staying connected to you.”
One key concept of reflective parenting is for parents to also check in with themselves – asking themselves if they are experiencing strong emotions and need to regulate before approaching a conversation.
Then the parent can approach a teen’s emotional distress using validation and empathy, by describing how they are feeling and avoiding putting their own opinion across.
Originally published by Talker News