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A lot of the leaders talk about the importance of “bringing your whole self to work.” Environments that enable employees to voice their thoughts, concerns and ideas not only serve as a cultural lever but drive good business results and create psychological safety. The idea is that people work their best when they’re at their best and they’re at their best when their environments account for the complexities of who they are.
I feel like one of the lucky few to have worked for places that promote these values. But I admit: I’ve long struggled bringing all of me to work. Particularly when it comes to forming relationships with my colleagues.
Since I have frequently been the youngest at most of my jobs, I initially thought the disconnect was the result of an age gap. As a high school student who worked at a retail store, I’d avoid personal conversations with my teammates, who had kids, careers and had lived huge chunks of their lives already. As a student worker in my college’s HR department, I’d limit my conversations with my seasoned managers to what I was studying and the status of a project I’d been given.
But when I started to join different teams after college, I realized age wasn’t always the problem. I still found myself wanting to withhold the parts of me that I’d share with a friend. When people would ask how I was, I’d give generic answers or I said what I thought they wanted to hear. When they wanted to know about where I grew up and what it was like there, I spoke succinctly and in a way that cut off the conversation. When they got together for a team building event, I was nowhere to be found.
To be clear, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with this, per se. Sometimes there are seasons in life where it feels like all the roles in your social sphere are already filled and taking on more would require energy you just don’t have. My problem has been that I feel that way in every season, which makes me think that it might be time to step outside my comfort zone.
Maybe I’ve been hesitant to share myself with colleagues because I’m more used to listening than talking. My job requires me to listen to interviewees and to only talk in ways that build on how they responded or to set up my next question. I do believe that mentality has had some carryover into the way I talk to people outside of my interviews. I find myself not knowing what to say about me but having tons of things I can ask them.
I guess this piece is a challenge to myself to share more. Not to go around the office screaming my life’s story from the mountaintops but just to be more vulnerable about how I’m feeling and what I think. It could go a long way.
Noah Johnson (he/him/his) is a Chicago-based journalist. Follow him on X: @noahwritestoo.