array(8) { ["7-1-2020"]=> int(3) ["7-2-2020"]=> int(3) ["7-3-2020"]=> int(4) ["7-4-2020"]=> int(2) ["7-5-2020"]=> int(1) ["7-9-2020"]=> int(2) ["7-10-2020"]=> int(4) ["7-11-2020"]=> int(3) }

The Smart Girl

by Soraya Shockley
Also Featured on KQED

The Smart Girl

by Soraya Shockley
Also Featured on KQED
07.31.15
07.31.15

SorayaI did it all in high school: I captained a sports team, ran a social justice club, starred in a musical, and maintained a high GPA. And while on paper it seems like I achieved a lot, I missed out on some crucial factors for success: friends and happiness.

I’ve always been known as the smart girl; Not the fun girl or the cool girl, or even the nice girl, but the smart girl. I wasn’t invited to sleepovers or to hang out on weekends. What I thought of as interesting conversation (politics, science, recent news events), everyone else found boring or thought I was showing off. In truth, I was just socially inept. People thought I sounded like a teacher, not a pimple faced 14 year old.

As isolation set in, I started to hate going to school. I was depressed, lonely, withdrawn, and truthfully, bored out of my mind. I had no real friends and I just pretended to be okay, to be happy.

To distract myself from those feelings, I threw myself into clubs, sports, musicals, and anything else. And things did get better. By senior year, I made some friends and built a bomb resume. Now, in less than a month, I’ll leave for my first year at a great college.

Yet worry still lingers. I realize now that despite my efforts, no amount of activities can ward off depression. And no amount of extracurriculars can make a person feel better or more connected.

In college, if I really want to give myself a chance at happiness, I have to learn to be honest about my mental state and willing to reach out when I need help. I have to be open to finding friends who share my interests so I can build a strong support system. And I’ll just have to keep reminding myself that this phase of my life is new, and that this time it can be different.

Coronavirus Update to YR Media Community
Coronavirus Update to YR Media Community