Figuring Out Your 20s: Decentering Romantic Relationships

Seattle — Recently, a friend mentioned that after graduating college, relationships seem to be a bigger deal now than ever before. It is true, but they’ve always taken the place at the center of our lives, from primary school crushes to college hook-up culture. 

Although romantic relationships are a healthy part of our society and contribute to our advancement, as an adult, whether you’re catching up with friends, witnessing the latest social media debates, or having small talk with coworkers, relationships always seem to be the primary focal point of people’s lives. 

As adults, it is necessary to continue investing in relationships but decentering them when it causes you to lose sight of yourself. With this new movement of decentering romance, here are some ways to practice decentering relationships to focus more on you, whether you’re happily single, dating, or in a relationship.

• Taking on new hobbies: since committing to becoming an exciting person, I have tried various types of arts and crafts, learned a new language, became a better cook, and found exhilarating things to enjoy in the city I live in. Taking on hobbies and exploring different things that bring you joy are great ways to bring excitement to your life and are great conversation topics. 

• Establish and maintain boundaries: decentering romance does not mean being shut off from people you find attractive and relationships. I’m intentional with defining what I want and being consistent in that. Establishing and maintaining boundaries show up in different ways. With friends, I try to keep the conversation unrelated to my dating life, and with potential romantic interests, I reject any advances since I’m not interested at the moment. Boundaries look different for everyone, and it’s essential to establish what that looks like for you, ensuring it aligns with the relationship status you desire to have.

• Centering self: the most obvious way to decenter romance is to center yourself. This is more about taking time to understand your needs and desires, focusing on your overall health and well-being, giving yourself grace, and ultimately honoring the commitments you make to yourself.

It’s easier said than done to decenter romantic relationships from our lives. Still, the ultimate goal is to ensure we’re not spending our time focusing on someone to fulfill us but instead focusing on ourselves. This experience equips me with everything I need that will take me far in whatever relationship status I choose.

Tracy Noze is a Seattle-based journalist.

Edited by Nykeya Woods