What Classic Vine Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

07.18.18

Six years ago this summer, Dom Hofmann, Rus Yusupov, and Colin Kroll founded Vine, the now defunct — but still much-beloved — video hosting service for the attention-challenged. The cofounders might not have known it at the time, but in its brief life, Vine would completely disrupt the landscape of viral video and online humor.

No matter what type of person you are, there’s a Vine for everybody. And to prove it, I came up with the perfect Vine for you based on your Zodiac sign.*

*Methodology: I used the highly authoritative source, astrology-zodiac-signs.com, to reference each sign’s qualities. If you feel your sign is represented incorrectly, take it up with them. Remember, this is is just for giggles, y’all.


Aquarius

You tend to assume the worst in people in order to protect your inner sensitivity, just like Junior. But when you ignore the impulse to keep others at a distance, you find friends all around you.

 

Pisces

You’re a social and creatively-inclined sign. You often bond with folks in unexpected places and discover their hidden talents through collaboration, like in this completely out-of-context duet. (Seriously though, I’d love to know the story behind this one…)

 

Aries

Aries is very active and energized: you like to set yourself apart by challenging convention wherever you can, no matter what people say about it. Unfortunately, not everyone may appreciate your fancy footwork.

 

Taurus

Honestly, I only picked this because of the bull thing. Get it? You’re a cow-boy. Er, cow-person… however you identify. Whatever, I’m moo-ving on. (Sorry. I’m so, so sorry.)

 

Gemini

People might sometimes tell you that being a Gemini means you’re two-faced. That only shows that they haven’t gone deep enough to really get to know you.

 

Cancer

You’re persistant about getting what you want, and your persuasive instinct can sometimes come across as tone-deaf. But you have your priorities in order: Waffles are obviously way more important than… whatever’s going on there.

 

Leo

You don’t always have the tools you need to succeed, but with your confidence and creativity, you can pull off anything. Well, almost anything. Fake it ’til you make it, Leo, just like this reporter.

 

Virgo

Your detail-oriented, tidy, and practical nature means you enjoy the finer things in life, and you like keeping your stuff nice. You also have a tendency to overreact a little, but for good reason. I mean, come on: LIPSTICK, in her Valentino white bag???

 

Libra

You’re a grounded and mindful soul. In situations where others feel compelled to make value judgments, you’re simply interested in observing and telling others what you see. It doesn’t matter if your analysis isn’t always 100 percent correct: either way, that’s a lot of birds.

 

Scorpio

People often misunderstand your sign. But you have your own style, a unique wit, and you like having the last laugh. Is that really such a bad thing? The only problem is, every now and then, “your way” ends in a whole bunch of broken glass. Worth it for the Vine!

 

Sagittarius

When people try to tell you what to do, you just don’t want to hear it… even if they have a point. Fortunately, you have your own creative solutions for your problems: nobody can make you do anything if you’re a clothing hanger.

 

Capricorn

Nothing fazes you, Capricorn. You just like to keep it simple and logical– especially when confronted with something you think is nonsense, such as this interview question from Nardwuar the Human Serviette.

 

 

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