When I was in sixth grade, I started to notice a change in my attitude and my way of thinking. I was starting to dwell on the negative thoughts I started having about myself. I even noticed I was a lot more emotional than I had ever been. As the months went by, it started to fade and I was back to my old normal self. Toward second semester of seventh grade I was starting to get those feelings all over again, only this time it got worse instead of better. The worst part was that I couldn’t even decipher why I felt that way. When the winter came, I realized I was full on depressed. The rain seemed to mock my tears. I stayed in my room as much as possible. Of course, I couldn’t hide in my room all day, so whenever I was around people I just plastered a fake smile on my face and tried to be like my old self. By the time I got to eighth grade, I had finally got the nerve to tell my friends. Skipping ahead to the winter of my ninth grade year, it became too much. I was stressed, I couldn’t sleep and I barely ate. I felt like if I could muster up the courage, I could end it with one slit of my wrist. At this point, I decided it was time to tell my mom before I did something that I knew I would regret, so I wrote a letter explaining these events and feelings to my mom. Around an hour later, my mom walked into my room red nosed and puffy eyed signifying her previous tears. She sat on the edge of my bed and held the letter in her hand then asked what was wrong. I started to reiterate everything that has happened from beginning to end trying to hold back my tears. My mom looked so heartbroken while tears streamed down her face. She asked me what she could do to help me feel better and I honestly had no idea except for the fact that I knew needed help. We then agreed that we would call Kaiser and make an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as possible. I started going to group therapy ever week and I can honestly say that to this day I am feeling a substantial amount better and more like myself. Don’t get me wrong I still have times when I’m feeling down in the dumps. Due to this experience, I see my future self-being happy and dealing with this issue with strength and knowledge. If you are ever struggling with this problem, don’t shrug it off as if it is nothing, and don’t wait until your hanging on the last straw to get help.
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