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Learning to Appreciate Myself Among Toxic Competition

The culture of competition driving students to compare scores is toxic.

05.02.22
Learning to Appreciate Myself Among Toxic Competition (Photo: Marvin Meyer/ Unsplash)

After I started taking AP classes, I noticed a weird trend among my classmates — the need to say they’d failed tests — even when that was far from the truth. I didn't understand why, but I eventually found myself doing the same.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about test scores — as per usual. He hadn’t scored as well as I did. So despite being proud of my score, I told him I failed, and that the grade didn’t matter.

I guess I was trying to make him feel better about his grade. But that lie hid the countless questions during office hours and my long nights scribbling under a dim lamp. By trying to be kind to my friend, I wasn’t kind to myself; I left the classroom disappointed, and he left dejected.

The thing is, this issue doesn’t just concern me or my circle of friends — it’s a much larger problem than that. The culture of competition driving students to compare scores is toxic. So I’d rather abstain from all of that. And I’ve realized that getting an A has always been a personal experience — that doesn’t have to change. 

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