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“We’re starting our daily prayers, come join,” my mom yells from upstairs. I let out a big sigh. “Do I have to? I really don’t feel like it,” I responded.
“You don’t have a choice.”
I give in.
I trudge to the prayer room and slouch myself onto the wall as I sit criss-cross on the cold hardwood floor. Bored and annoyed, I stare out the window as my mom continues making unreasonable requests in front of a mythical creature statue. I didn’t understand the point of praying — why waste time making requests that don’t come true? My mom would always ask for everyone to have food on the table or a roof over their head, but if her wish wasn’t going to be fulfilled, why continuously ask? The existence of God is far from being scientifically proven, so why do scientists all over the world still pray? It didn’t make sense. Until I had nothing but my religion to fall back to.
In May, a close family member was on the verge of dying. I had to wait 24 hours before the doctors could let me know if he would survive or not. For the first time in my life, I felt completely powerless. There was nothing I could do for him.
As soon as I came home from the hospital, I ran to the prayer room in tears. All I could do was pray. “Dead God, please make sure he survives. I’ll do anything…”
I didn’t believe in the existence of a “god,” but I wanted to believe there was some force out there to take my side – I wanted something to fuel my hope.
Now, six months later, he survived and had a fast recovery.
The experience made me realize that not all people worship because they believe in God (I still don’t). Rather, they need something to give them hope, to turn to when all goes sideways. They need something to keep them grounded and in check. They want to feel watched by some external force so they abide by their morals and hold themselves accountable. They want to set a time aside everyday where they appreciate what’s around them and reiterate their goals. Praying helps them be better people.
Jiya Gupta is a freelance writer exploring Asian American racism and U.S. policy. She is a freshman at Carnegie Mellon University studying Business Administration and Computer Science. You can follow her on Instagram at @jiya.tfls.
Edited by NaTyshca Pickett