Los Angeles — It’s the most festive time of the year, but I’m not too excited. The whimsical feeling of the winter holidays has lost its spark all because I grew up. And for that, I blame adulthood.
I miss feeling hopeful to catch Santa eating the cookies placed out for him in my kitchen, or looking out cautiously for every elf I see on a shelf. But now, it’s a Christmas miracle to survive seasonal depression and my college finals.
I’ve outgrown soaking up the magical aspect of the holidays. And I feel like being 20 while living on my own is the reason. These past few months have made it clear my priorities have indefinitely matured.
When my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I couldn’t give her a direct answer. As a kid, she never needed to ask me. I’d beat her to it every year and deliver a list filled top to bottom, covered with hyperlinks, so there’d be no purchasing mistakes on her behalf.
After refusing to hear me say “I don’t know” repeatedly, she eventually got an answer out of me; to have my credit card paid off. To me, it's a perfect gift. I’ll have one less responsibility to worry about. But at the same time, it felt like my childhood came to an abrupt stop. I no longer think about holidays as a kid.
My mom laughed at my gift idea until she realized I was serious. She was proud of my ability to recognize my new priorities as a young adult.
I’m at a point in my life where everything is bittersweet. I was always the kid who couldn't wait to grow up. But now that I have, I’ve only been reminiscing. So now, whenever I think I'm ready for the next chapter in my life, I'll try to take a second to pause and be sure I can find the little things to appreciate in the moment.
Sydney Wanguhu, (she/her) is from The Bay Area and is an L.A.-based journalist who covers entertainment and culture. Follow her on Instagram: @sydneyy._.
Edited by Nykeya Woods and Amber Ly