Oakland, CA — I’ve always been very family-oriented, so it's only slightly baffling that I am so deeply estranged from my Romani side. I’ve met them only a couple times — the experience I remember best was at a funeral. I was 11.
The defining moment of the service was when they asked us all to direct our pointer fingers to the sky. “One way!” they chanted. My mom instead shook her head and held both my hands on the seat.
Since their initial immigration to Europe, the Roma people have been known to adopt the dominant religion of their host country. While some families only use certain practices for funerals or baptisms — some go the full monty. My family, for one, transformed into pure evangelicals.
My mom willfully alienated herself from her dad’s side of the family, especially after his death. She told me her own stories, how she was treated grossly by family members because she was the youngest and a girl. It’s because of this that I never really fought to get to know them.
Lately my mom has been more interested in learning about her culture. Unfortunately, it’s not easy. My mom tells me the reason Roma stories are so undocumented is because in the years after the Holocaust, Romani people were forced to keep their culture on the down-low. Deterred from speaking about their traditions, beliefs or their family makeup for generations — the modern Roma identity has become one of secrecy, and a civil rights afterthought.
It’s because of this that I feel both outside and inside of this secret nature. In day-to-day life, I never claim my Roma heritage — I feel alienated from this part of my identity to the point where I feel phony even admitting that it is my history. But I also understand the secrecy, I see it even in my own silence.
These days I’m curious. Even if it's from the lens of an outsider's understanding, I know there are so many things I can learn from the Romani experience — what my history books haven’t taught me.
Piper Stuip (she/her), is a high school sophomore at Oakland School for the Arts focusing on creative writing.
Edited by shaylyn martos