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Tinder LIVE! Creator Lane Moore gives us "moore" on dealing with loneliness.
Dealing with loneliness can be a freakin’ bummer. Just ask comedian Lane Moore who wrote a book titled “How To Be Alone.” The actress/writer/musician tells YR Media's Merk Nguyen and Nyge Turner much of the advice out there is generic bullsh*t but who needs that when you have Lane to tell you straight up how to get through your sh*t?
This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Check out the full conversation on YR Media’s Adult ISH podcast (episode 7 – Self ISH).
Nyge: You're the creator of a live comedy show called Tinder LIVE! Can you give us a little spiel about what goes on in the show?
Lane: I project my Tinder screen onto a big projector and the audience votes right or left. I like to say they choose my sexual destiny. I've had comedians, writers, Broadway stars, and musicians on panels with me. They help me analyze the profiles and it's very good-natured. We really only go after the weirdest dudes like that white guy with cornrows whose name is Amen.
Nyge: Let's talk about your book called "How To Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't". What are some big things you want people to know about it?
Lane: As a world, we're lonelier than we've ever been. We're always on social media. It looks like we're having this wonderful time, but everyone I know -- even the most famous internet people -- are so lonely and sad. I wanted to write a book from my perspective. I raised myself. I didn't have a really great family situation [and] that's really impacted how I've been able to connect with people in terms of making friends, jobs, relationships, things like that. I would say that's number one. Number two: I wanted to create a book that made people feel seen and loved, if you truly feel like you have no one.
Merk: You're our go-to guru as we're aiming to reach our #allbymyself goals. Cue Celine Dion. That cool with you?
Lane: Anything for Celine.
Merk: A theme in your book is heartbreak. It's a very human experience that doesn’t always stem from a romantic place and can lead us to being alone, for better or for worse. We wanted your expertise on moving on past that.
Lane: It takes time and you have to learn how to become your own best friend. You have to peel that onion [and get to the root of your loneliness]. I really can't give you the dumbass advice most people would give like, "Be strong! Move on girl!" That advice is bullsh*t. It [should be about] finding fundamental truths.
Nyge: I think all of us can get caught up in our thoughts. That's a good thing when it's about positive stuff but then when it's negative, it can get out of hand. What can you do to break yourself out of those bad habits?
Lane: Practice. I can be so hard on myself when I can't break out of that loop. [I also] found this magical dog. I really believe in the power of animals, especially if people haven't been that great to you. A lot of animals need homes. I think it's good if you're in a place where that's something you can physically, emotionally, and financially do. It can be a person [or] a frickin' app that checks in on you. Just having backup. I often joke "How To Be Alone" is a self-help book for people who hate self-help books. There’s a lot of self-help stuff, but it’s also meant to be funny and feel like you're talking to a friend.
Merk: One of your chapters is called "Happy Holidays To Everyone But You, You Lonely Weirdo". You write a letter from your future to past self. Can you read part of that?
Lane: Okay, I'll start with this:
"It's totally normal if you get depressed before the holidays start. I usually get depressed for every holiday, except Halloween. I want you to know that I care about you because I know that you sometimes lie to people and tell them you have huge plans when your plans are to try to not get overwhelmed with the burden of your sadness and the reflection of everyone else's socially normal happiness. I forgive you for that lie because I know why you told it. Forgive yourself for it too. Take care of the part of you that wishes you had a normal family...Take care of the part that feels "other" throughout the holiday season and more than anything, feel proud of yourself because...you're still here....Sometimes that's the bravest thing of all, and if you don't believe me, it's a line in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”